Don Camerone

Posted: January 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

It was a dark day for Britain when Don Camerone inherited the north west side from Blairybrown. Blairybrown was known by those that knew him well as BB, BB “the splinter”. He prided himself on this being because of the time he spent working with the disabled mobsters of the underclass gang. Splinter being a reference to the broken legs he allowed mending after breaking them. Behind BB’s back however, people laughed that it was the splinter in his arse from sitting on too many fences. The Splinter lost his grip on the North West side when he tried to purchase it from the Fat Cat mob for £1.5tn, they had recently lost all their money on the tables and needed money desperately for their war with the ragged trousers. When people found out the £1.5tn had been wasted on milk and leashes for the fetishists in the fat cat mob, they rebelled and sought help from another Don.

Don Camerone promised to help people, he promised to take control of his new territory by starting a war with all minor gangs and wiping them out. The Old Timers, The Handy Caps, The Lone Mummies, The Baby Faced Future’s , The Bookworms, The Council Estate Bluds and many others, including anyone who was not from the north west territory, they were very specific on that. Don Camerone tried to get his goons, Maggies Met to stop everyone who was not from the north west territory, empty out all their pockets and turn them over properly if they dared to tread outside! Don Camerone also gave orders to ban entry and even spent £4m on a centre right in the middle of the war between The Talibannies and the Bush Whackers, to get the youngest people not from the north west territory as fast as possible.

As Don Camerones grip on the North West territory got tighter, he started a book stealing racket but after RedEd and several minor gang leaders from the Authors threatened to tell stories of his evil to everyone he promised to not steal as many books from babies, just some. As the book stealing racket costs needed to be made up, he set his focus on the Fat Cats once again, saying that he would take them out! Tommy Guns at the ready, lieutenant Beaker and Osbourne fly out of their van only to be undermined by the rantings of “The Cable”. The Cable tells everyone that Don Camerone is “his bitch and he wears the daddy pants”. This provided everyone with a great war of wills as The Cable clearly places a challenge to Don Camerone but the situation is dealt with quickly and after several incidents with a baseball bat and The Cables ego takes some shots to the back of the head, he is told he can carry on his racket but no more talking. All of this covered up Don Camerones total lie to the people about not supporting the Fat Cats however as they had record hauls and he awarded them a £1bn let off, to sweeten an as yet unconfirmed deal.

There is talk of the people in the North West territory rising with the rest of the Europe territories however. Don Camerone is not a loved leader, in fact he is constantly compared to old time leader Maggie the wrench. The Wrench  was the most hated leader in the history of the North West Territory. Her war with the union gang and the young workers was legendary and her tactics were more vicious than any that had been seen before. Now Don Camerone adopts a stance, encouraged by lunatic lieutentants like Nadine “The Spanner” Dorries, he is pushing to take over from The Wrench and cause mayhem for everyone who is not from their gang. This is going to lead to war and as the minor gangs start to work together, there is a threat to Don Camerone, the likes of which have never been seen before. When this war starts, it is rumoured it will be held somewhere between upper classington and lower classville, the pundits labelling it a class war. As the class war begins, hatchets are sharpened, people are marching and Don Camerone has no idea what is coming. He has never had to dirty his hands before, sending others to do his dirty work but this war, this class war, is going to land directly on his doorstep and there will be horses heads everywhere.

With crimes like, stealing books from children, class war, ideology attacks, sneak attacks on the Old Timers, the Young Uns, the Educators, the NHS mob, the Handi Caps and many others, these gangs must work together if they are going to break the grip of organised crime on England. When they unite under the old banner of the Union Gang, there will at least be a future where pensioners can walk on the streets at night with Osbourne or one of their goons stealing their pension and locking them in the freezer. The United gangs front must take out Don Camerone before it is too late and his crime syndicate takes hold.

Steve Bell's ever amazing work from the Guardian

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